Beer is bitter but not me

I don't know why I'm so angry these days.

I guess I railed against California in a similar way and that place is heaven compared to Berlin and Boston, my other two hometowns. maybe I am just a hardened 'Masshole' after all. I know I'm a complainer in general but I either have to shut up and learn to appreciate this place or go home. living in a state of constant simmering fury is lame and frankly makes me worse than any stern-faced German I'm likely to see. somebody said to me the other day 'when you see someone without a smile, give him one of yours'. I think I need to take that advice. I stand by my first impressions ... except the tone. life is weird, people are weirder and just because this place is so different doesn't absolve me of my duty to make the world a slightly less terrible place. also I think I was running out of creative energy when I wrote about the Turkish community. they are in fact much more like Americans than the Germans are and I think I painted them as being clods when in fact they by and large cool people from an even stranger culture than the Europeans. I mean I've never even been to a Muslim country so maybe by comparison Turks in Berlin are freewheelin' and whacky. I guess I'm feeling contrite after yet another drunken night where I did and said stupid shit. I also lost one of my gloves! and dammit it has gotten MUCH colder these past couple of days! it snowed twice here this weekend, not enough to really be a hassle but thats real snow and its falling from the sky and landing on me! preposterous! unheard of! yeah, before I left town I basically fucked up two friendships and left a third in such a bizarre state that I don't know if I'll ever see this person again. on top of that I nearly torpedoed another since arriving, writing but thankfully not sending the most hurtful email I could possibly write and believe me its one of my unfortunate talents to make words hurt. sitting here I am remembering my first days here a mere four weeks ago, they seem like such distant memories as my view of Berlin has changed so much, and hopefully will continue to do so to the point where I actually like being here and its not just a crazy adventure that will come to an end. I do intend to return to San Francisco after a time (3 months? a year?) but until then I better get to living here, and I mean that in the Shawshank Redemption sense.

p.s. Yngwie Malsteen's real name is Lars Johan Yngve Lannerbäck